Preface: This journal entry was made on the 1st of May 2025 and updated on the 23rd of August 2025.
The 4 seasons best describe what I have been going through in the last 1 year.
Today is the 1st day of May. It is nearing the end of Spring, and transiting into the cheerful Summer. But, before the arrival of Spring, from December to February, I was painfully struggling through the dark and cold winter of my life. Then, I was desperately trying to cling on to the little hope that was left for me. And I was trying to reread a book by Charles R. Swindoll—"Come Before Winter and Share My Hope."
When Spring approached in March, I realized that I had finally escaped from the cold NE monsoon unscathed. And as April approached, flowers were blooming, signalling a new beginning for me. I started to feel a new lease of life had returned for me, and I was recovering well. I am now looking forward to the arrival of Summer, the best season.
I can sense that my physical and mental state are changing rapidly for the better. In the last 2 weeks, I have dumped my wheelchair and walking stick. For the last 1 year, I have been living in pain and been immobile. I was either languishing in my bed at home or hospitalized. My only activity is travelling from home to the hospital for my regular 1 to 2 hospital visits every week to see 3 specialists—the liver team, a renal specialist, and an endocrinologist. Plus regular blood and urine tests. In addition to all these visits, there were emergencies like painful ribcage, painful & swollen knee, fractures, unbearable pain all over my body, and inflammation in my body.
But, in the last 5 days, I did the unimaginable things. I brought my active 5-year-old granddaughter out for the very first time. We have some adventures travelling on the public transport as well as visiting Bedok Mall. I went out without the aid of my walking stick. I must have walked with my granddaughter for at least 4 km.
Physically, I can feel that I am a lot stronger, and I am now MOBILE. Having said that, I must admit that my walking is still very unsteady, as my balancing is still off. I can only walk slowly. I still feel some pain in my legs, and I need to have frequent stops to rest my feet.
With my improving mobility, I decided to challenge myself. I will go for my next 2 medical appointments on the 2nd and 5th of May, on my own. I will do it without the aid of my walking stick and travelling by public transport. I have come a long way...
Mentally, I can feel that I am a lot more alert now. I can recall many things, events & people in my life. And I am able to analyze and execute difficult tasks. Compared to before, when I was completely hopeless—unable to even operate my handphone! Now, I am a lot more independent, and I can figure out how to go about conducting my life. My brain is like how I was 25 years ago when I retired.
I have decided to start this new journal to record the progress of my recovery and to muse & reflect on the journey of my second chance in life.
Footnote:
•Dec - Mar: refers to winter. With the NE monsoon, the days are dark and cold. It represents a period of waiting, struggles, and an ending.
•Mar - May: refers to spring. With light winds and breezes. It represents a new beginning with flowers blooming all over.
•Jun - Sep: refers to summer. With the SW monsoon, plants grow quickly. It represents passion.
•Sep - Nov: refers to autumn. With light winds and evening thunderstorms, trees lose their leaves. It represents change and reflection.
